Thursday, September 24, 2015



              Dear Friends and Family,
              Yes! I have a little baby growing inside me. :-) I think that it is a perfect time to share this, oh so wonderful news, I am 11 weeks pregnant and due in April. I am sharing with the world to introduce my intentions and to sum up a quick version of where I am in my life. Most of you reading this have watch me transform on a grand scale, into many different versions of my greatest self. I am always changing and for the best, thank you GOD. Thank you ALL for showing me love and support by commenting, liking, sending me uplifting encouragement, and being the amazing human beings you are! I wouldn't be here writing this blog today, if it were not for my friends and family inspiring me to keep on shining. I am posting some pictures to show my transformation to just give you the tiniest idea of the intense transformation I have been through in the last 3 years of my life (really started on December 21,2012).
2011 before any known spiritual awakening....

November 2012 at an event, a month before the huge spiritual awakening.
March 2013, after the huge spiritual awakening and many more to come!! 
Florida trip January 2014 visiting family and friends..... LOTS OF REALIZATIONS about my life and the direction to go..

February 2014 First time to Kauai for 2 months of intense spiritual awakenings! 

Back to Asheville and shaved my hair off BALD on May 17th, this was HUGE for me. This picture was taken in July 2014.

I felt the call to go back to Kauai, this is September 2014 on the Napali Trail to Kalalau.
Living off the land completely away from civilization in Kalalau February 2015

April 2015 on Kauai in Polihale after 6 months(off and on) of living in Kalalau, absolutely intense transformations from living out there.

Back to Blue Ridge Mountains in August 2015 and PREGNANT 4 weeks here!

Why do you feel this is part of your path, Shawnee?

 I always felt myself having an unconventional pregnancy and relationship/relationships to break patterns of generational upbringings. I feel myself writing a book about how to be a single mom, even if I am in an intimate relationship one day. I believe that we are all one yes, but we were given our own paths, our own bodies and our own duties. No matter who we are with in partnership, no matter what path we are on it always comes down to the lesson of self love. How can we be the greatest version of our self? Are we completing our own tasks we came here to do? Whether we share tasks or not we all came here to grow. Just as each tree grows tall, separately, their roots still touch and they breathe the same air.  All the lessons I am learning and continuing to learn have all been wrapped around these questions of self love and the lessons have been challenging as they are all growing pains. I know that raising a child is not an easy task, and I am brave and as ready as I will ever be to take on this duty. I understand that I do not own this child, GOD is the true creator and I am only a vessel to guide, teach and learn every second with this child/adult. I intend on encouraging this being to be who he/she came here to be. (I have a feeling it's a boy, so I will refer to him) I will ask him engaging questions everyday, Who are you? Why did you choose to come here? I feel so honored that he chose me to be his mommy. I always said I am going to be the best mommy in the world. During my transformation, I have learned that I am already a mommy to everyone's inner child and I will continue to be one. Including to my own inner child <3 We are all single parents because we all have our individual puzzle piece that goes in the puzzle, all coming together to realize that we have a larger puzzle to complete. To raise our children to be brave, courageous strong leaders of their own personal power. No matter if we are in intimate relationships or single we are all powerful creatures with ability to create and fulfill the task that we came here to do. So thankful to have this chance to do so.


I am in Asheville, NC right now and intend on giving birth here in the mountains. I want to be near family and tribe here on the mainland. I have been torn whether or not to go back to the island. The best way I have been making decisions is to listen to the signs of the Universe, by asking for clear signs to be shown.  Clear signs have been showing up daily and I am receiving feelings of confirmation from this little being and his guides, to be here in these mountains. I dream of owning a tiny home one day and I am excited to build one here on a nice piece of property in the mountains outside of Asheville and live off grid. Life has so many turns and hills that I am so grateful for, and everyday that goes by just gets better and better. Even those really emotional hormonal days that I cry are blessings. Yes, I am scared, yes, I am TERRIFIED to give birth, but I know that I am supported and will have a healthy labor.  I know one of my tasks is to be a strong mother who will accept love and support from the whole community. I know that I am provided for everyday by God, the cosmos and by Mother Earth. I practice daily, moment to moment to stay completely present in the now, to hear the sounds around me fully, the listen to the call in each moment, to love myself fully, to be completely thankful for these lives given, and most of all to live love from within. Of course this is a practice and can sometimes get off track at times, I appreciate all the reminders to get back on that I am always receiving. 

WHO'S THE DADDY?(added after original post was written)

His name is Sean M. Rollink, I called him Seany boy and he called me Shawnee girl. Sean and I met out in kalalau valley on the island of Kauai back in October 2014. He held down a community camp at the edge camp and I camped right near the edge camp by the date palm on the bluff. I was living out there for about about six months. Sean and I spent a lot of time together... He was like my brother he became one of my best friend when I was on the island. He was the best listener. I would go to him at moments of darkness and he had the best way to help me feel better....just him being there to listen to me as I vented and he listened and only gave advice if I asked for it..he respected me he respected everyone. I loved I loved loved when he played his guitalele, his voice was one of an Angels. I thanked him so much for bringing the music to the campfire... Always having drums and orchestrating the best drum circles. He was so helpful, always encouraging everyone to do their part in meal making, preparing fire, contributing food, harvesting water... All the things to survive out in the woods. I'll always remember the moment I went to the community camp and asked for rice or quinoa, some sorta of grain to take up valley to prepare meal that night. Lol he said no, omg I was so pissed at him, he told me if u want it, u got to hang out here and eat with us, he said he didn't mind sharing his food but I couldn't take it away and make elsewhere. I didn't vibe with someone that was currently at the camp so I stormed off huffing and puffing pissed that I got rejected.. I looked back to that moment many times and even thank him for standing in his power by not giving into what I wished. He was powerful, he was brave, he was loyal, he was a strong and a lovable man. I was leaving island on July 21 2015, so I created a hui ho(until next time) party at Moloaa bay beach on July 18. He was the only person who purposed a toast for me on my journey and thank me for all the amazing times we shared together. It was so heartfelt and it made tears come to my eyes, I was really going to miss him... The next night we were together and we talked about an ongoing conversation about having a child together and raising the child as an unconventional partnership. Raising the child with love as a platonic relationship. Encouraging the child to be who he or she has come here to be... Sean wanted to be a father and I wanted to be a mother although we didn't share the intimate feelings as most mommies and daddies do. We both agreed that I would be the sole provider for the child because I knew that's what I wanted, Sean on the other hand didn't know how he wanted to show up in the relationship, he didn't want to promise me income or housing... He liked his lifestyle. I said all I want is you to follow your heart and that is right for us, the biggest gift is life and if u choose to do that we would be forever grateful. We both felt peace come when we talked about doing it and when we talked about the future. We both agreed that bringing a soul into this world was to encourage this being to be who he or she came here to be. We also spoke and agreed that I could take our child back to mainland for part of the year to visit and be with family. The next night at Moloaa bay beach it was only Sean and I and the mysterious sacred bay. July 19, 2015 Sean and I came together in the most profound way. He gave me his seed to birth Cheyenne. We were only together once, that night. I left island on July 21, flew to Florida and three weeks later I got a positive pregnancy test. Wow I was pregnant, and sooooo happy.... Sean on the other hand was sooooo nervous . I came back to the island on November 23 2015. Sean was absent most of the time, living in the kalalau valley... Man I wanted to go In there but being pregnant I wanted to protect myself and this child so I didn't go in... He was being Sean as I knew him, living in the present moment, I never really knew what was going on with him because when I would ask he was always doing good, and he only came around when he was excited about life and happy or in good moods. Then when I was about 38 weeks pregnant, Sean confessed his love for me, and how he wanted to be with me.... In fact he was pretty pushy at times with his love, I pushed back. I still had no intimate feelings and expressed this to him and wanted to honor my heart. I appreciated him being honest with me and expressing his heart. He was truly trying. He even rented a room in the town I lived in Kekaha with his friends Davy and Chrissy. I was very proud of him because he was following his heart. We got into arguments like people do in any relationship and he said some awful things about me to his family in NJ, in which he confessed to me in doing so... After we made up, He said he would he would tell them the truth about me and our relationship. He and I had cleared the air between us and went back to our heart space reassuring neither one of us were out to get the other. We loved each other deeply in profound way.... He trusted my ability to raise this child. He told me he didn't trust himself to be able to.... I encouraged him to keep following his heart and that we will always be here arms open. Wow, I was so amazed at the love he gave Cheyenne,so much love-- he loved her so much, I looked forward to our life sharing partnership with raising this child in whatever way that was to be. During our heated times there were some mean things we said and did to each other... I confess I'm definitely not perfect, we were mirrors in so many ways reflecting hurt with hurt.... All in all, love always won with us and still will.. Our last days and months together were for the most part filled with so much love and acceptance, we were all growing together. Cheyenne will always know what a great man her father was and how much he loved her. I don't know what happened that day his body passed over God although I do know and feel in my heart that he is at peace now and he is showing up in the way that his heart can and that is all that matters. May his legacy live on through Cheyenne. God bless you Sean and thank you for giving the world Cheyenne. He would look so deeply into our eyes and give us the most heartfelt thank you and tell us how thankful he was for us. I'm here for anyone , open book for any questions and I'd really love to add that if there's any stories or things you know about Sean please share , or keep in touch for the future when Cheyenne gets old enough so we can share with her. I've also created an email for her to receive any photos or videos u may have of him. Please send to her email.

(above is added into this post- I had another paragraph in here before he passed, although i deleted it out of spite when we got into a fight.... awe regrets, remorse,blame, shame all those feelings processed...)


 I found out August 3rd and the pregnancy itself has been super easy so far! I hear so many horrifying stories of symptoms for pregnancy and well I am thankful to say that my symptoms have been soooo small... For the first 7  weeks I was pretty fatigue and slept most days 15 hours or more LOL. The occasional spells of nausea would set in and I breathe really deep and slip into a meditation to clear the feeling of nausea. Only one day of full nausea in which I pretty much did nothing all day but breathe, drink water and rest. I have been taking my folic acid but the prenatal pills the doctor prescribed were really strong and gave me horrible side effects like headaches and nausea, so I stopped taking them. I have been eating SUPER healthy as always, no processed food and no white sugar, gluten, dairy and meat. I have been craving meat like crazy and actually ate red meat after 7 years of not eating to have the outcome of terrible emotional pain the next day and weeks, so I said no it's not worth the pain of crying for the death of an animal.(no judgement to all you meat eaters, either, I am just SUPER sensitive, i love you no matter what you eat lol)  I have been more on top of putting protein in my diet other ways. Balanced diet all around with all my fruits, vegetables, grains, protein, calcium, and I don't know what else I know I'm forgetting something.  My mother had four of her children at home, including myself, and she has been here to help me emotionally and I am so grateful for her help. She gave me awesome advice I am following, such as drinking one cup a day of red raspberry leaf tea for the first trimester then 2 cups for the 2nd and 3 cups for the 3rd because it helped her to have only 1 1/2-2hr long labors. She also reminded me to visualize mandalas and it will help with the pregnancy and labor. Thank you,  Momma Dukes! SO thankful for my awesome health. 


I do not want to have your convientional baby shower that people have for a few reasons...... My friends and family are all scattered everywhere.....I do not want anything purchased brand new from stores.... We live in such a consumer world that I want hand-me-downs, second hand or creations from old fabric, or donations so I can hire a seamstress to create some items we will need. Plus the baby grows so fast, it's just silly to buy brand new except maybe a few items that will have to be bought brand new. (clothe diapers I will purchase brand new for obvious reason and maybe not lol, if anyone has those let me know)  I am asking for donations in general if you would like to give whatever you can to help me get prepared for this angel coming. I am working everyday in different ways to generate income and am saving for the baby. I have a long list of everything I need to receive, including a vehicle and house, so every penny counts. If you or someone you know have baby stuff that is not being used anymore, let me know, ship to the house that I am house sitting for the winter or hold onto it for until I get my own place. I am so thankful that I have this opportunity to sit this house and be provided for right now. After the house sitting opportunity, it is still unknown as to where our house will be, although I have faith the perfect place will present itself! Walking into the unknown has become very comfortable for me even though at times it's scary; taking the path less traveled has been worth every step. I think I wrote a book today and summing this up with a HUGE thank you for the support all over!! When the time gets closer (Apirl due date) If you are in a position to donate I GREATLY appreciate it and will post many many pictures online to show everyone what I am investing in :) Thank you for sharing as well. <3 The donation button is at the top of the page and will go directly into my paypal account, (you do not need a paypal just a credit/debit card.) Omg so nervous to post this but SO EXCITED to receive the love from everyone.... <3 <3 If anyone know of any doulas or midwives here in the Asheville area, please also let me know! Onward marching forward!! Bringing a beautiful angel into this world is the most rewarding blessing I have ever been gifted. Excited to continue being a MOMMY!!!! <3 
Shawnee's Virtual Baby Shower Baby Due April 2016 Thank you!

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